Welcome to the human race.

Monday, December 17th, 2012.

I had an extremely long day at work.  I woke up an hour early for work so I could get in the office by 7:45 to finish a bid I have been working on that is due on the 21st (which why am I even trying since the stupid world is going to end).  Anyway.  Back to what I was saying. I had worked from 7:30-5pm, and I decided on my way home that I would stop at the mall to try and cram in the rest of my Christmas shopping for my siblings.  This was the day that I had got a "blizzard" warning on my phone at 5am (they act like we live in Montana or something, weather idiots).  I kindly reminded myself I live in Washington.  There is nothing to fear, well blizzard-wise anyway.

I got off the freeway and noticed the wind had started picking up, I then remembered why I didn't sleep much during the night, tree branches kept whacking into my window and scaring the shit out of me I thought the world was ending early.  I continued to trolley along the road towards the mall, of course I was taking back ways because I HATE traffic and will go beyond out of my way to avoid it.  I was going by Ikea in  Tukwila, and noticed it was oddly darker outside than normal...Then I realized there were street lights that were out.  God damnit.  The power is out, the wind is taking over, there is a stupid blizzard on the way.  I thought to myself, "should I even go? Will I get stuck in a rampage of a crazy weather disaster with a bunch of psychotic humans?" "Aw hell with it, I will manage and if things seem to turn for the worse, at least I can run fast and I'm short so I have an advantage of going under people". Yes, I did thoroughly think this through.

I found a decent parking spot at the mall in the garage right by the entrance.  What luck!  Okay, game plan Kelsey, what's your game plan.  I will return the two items I need to at Nordstrom and at Zumiez, then I will grab a bite to eat and shop quickly and then I will be on my way home.  Okay! I head in.  I stopped at the first store I walked by.  Okay, so I already broke the first part of the game plan...That's fine, just keep going.

I decided I wanted to eat dinner really fast, should I grab a sandwich or some fake Chinese food? Sandwich.  I went downstairs to the Jimmy Johns, and quickly horked down my sandwich and water. From there, I had walked out of the JJ's and saw the store 'Pink' and remembered that I had a $10 off coupon, and I could probably find something that Devyn (my sister) would love.  I popped in the store, and I grabbed my wallet to double check that I had the coupon in there, which I did.  I kept shopping and walking around and put my wallet back into my purse.  I was looking at something when this older African American woman had bumped into my purse.  I turned around and she mumbled something under her breath and looked at me funny...I turned back to what I was looking at, she then had asked who I was shopping for.  I did not look at her, I just replied, I'm Christmas shopping for my younger sister.  The lady asked, "how old is she?" "She's 12, and very spoiled." The lady then showed me this receipt from the store and said how she just spent almost $300 on her granddaughter, I replied "I love my sister, but not that much." The lady then said "but it's Christmas."  I carried on with my shopping and was looking at another section of the store, when my purse was noticeably bumped into again.  I turned around, the same old lady was standing there and then pointed to a pair of pants and went on about how cute they were.  She asked me to reach them for her, they were on the top shelf.  I reached up being a nice citizen, and then I felt my purse being bumped into again, but this time it lifted off my shoulder a tiny bit, I turned around quickly and the same lady had pointed to another pair of pants instantly and said "I like these a lot too." I turned back around to the clothes rack, thought to myself how strange this lady was.  I turned back around, the lady was gone.  She didn't even take the pants I had reached for her from the top shelf.  I made my way to the register to purchase a few things for my sister.  I reached for my wallet...I searched for my wallet...It was gone.

At that moment, instantly I realized why the lady had been following me around, why she had kept bumping into my purse, why every time I turned around she was there looking at me funny...That scum bag piece of no good rotten son of a B**** stole my wallet.  My heart sank.  I wasn't sure if I was going to vomit in the store as the sales associate is looking at me in confusion. The first thing I stutter "can you hold these, my wallet is gone..." I am scrambling in my purse, stumbling around the store looking in all the places I was shopping , thinking maybe I just dropped it...Who am I kidding.  That bitch played me like a sap.  I started crying at that point, asked the store associate if she saw the lady who was following me around and if they had cameras in the store...She said no...but I did see the lady who was following you around...She then proceeded to feel bad for me and asked if she could give me a hug...I looked at her...Are you kidding? I have to go, can you please search the store.  I walked out of Pink and looked around the mall for the lady called my dad..."Check the nearest bathroom and garbage cans or the nearest parking lot, she would have dumped your wallet after clearing it".  The parking lot was a straight shot from the store I was at.  "Dad I have to go...there's a security guard I'm going to talk to him." I'm not understandable at this point, I'm crying and yelling at this security guard telling him what just happened...I talked to about 5 security guards, all asking me the same thing until one was like have you called the police? I was like what the F*** why didn't one of you, there are 5 of you asking me questions one of you couldn't have god damn called?  I proceeded to call and report my theft.  Did I mention that I had $500 cash in the wallet?  Yeah, the one time I carry cash, for Christmas shopping. Gone.

Talking to the rent a cop's did me no good.  I asked for the security cameras in the hallway to see if I could view them because I absolutely could identify this whore bag woman.  She was in her 50's, about 5'3 and she was fat and she STOLE FROM ME.  I am beyond upset and hysterical at this point.  One of the security guards had come back and said the receipt she was waving in my face was a fake, she had no bought anything from the store, she tried returning items without a receipt. He told me she was a professional and I got played extremely well.  Anyways, after all the bullshit I just dealt with, I received the case # from the officer assisting me, cancelled my debit cards and decided it was time to go home.  I had no wallet. No money, no driver's license, this lady has taken away my siblings Christmas from me, she has taken the hard earned money that I was spending on other people.  I am so disgusted with humans, a Grandmother stole from me.  She even tried to get personal with me.  What a WHORE.

I keep replaying the incident in my head, how it happened, what I could have done differently, how frustrated I was, why I didn't just zip my purse up when she had bumped into it testing to see what I would do, but why would that be the first thought in my head? I had no idea she was a thief, she was a Grandma.  Why I even went to that store in the first place, why I didn't have spidey-senses, why Batman didn't come to the rescue, why nobody in the store said anything even though they saw the woman being a fucking creep.  I have unfortunately learned a $500 lesson. I will never ever leave my purse unzipped under ANY circumstance   I will not try and be nice with strangers.  I will not do a favor for anybody I don't know.  I will never go shopping by myself.  I will always hold mace when I am by myself so nobody fucks with me. I will never trust any body I don't know, regardless of how nice they are to me. I will not respond to any strangers, beside with the phrase "fuck off". Thieves come in ALL shapes and ALL sizes and ALL ages. I was worked like a dumb helpless girl.  There is nothing I can do now to turn back the time.  What's so heartbreaking is I can't get anything for my siblings. My favorite thing about Christmas was watching the kids open presents so excited and anxious to find out what they got and the reactions to the gifts...Christmas is about the gift of giving and being around the people you love.  I just wanted to give and in result, I was taken from.  I hope that she trips and falls into a burning pile of shit. And dies. And if she doesn't, I will find her after the zombie apocalypse and shoot her in the face with a compound bow.

Happy bleeepin Holidays, welcome to the human race.

Another night of hideout

Not only was my brother violently projectile vomiting, contaminating the whole down stairs of my house...My mother caught the sickness, and then BOOM, my sister (12yrs) who was SLEEPING IN MY ROOM ONE DAY AGO...Came home and added her puke into the mix. Now we have two infested zombies in the living room...When I got home from work yesterday, the house was pitch dark, there was plastic wrap around all the front door windows (so it really looked like we were being contained) and when I walked in, there was a zombie on the chair sleeping, and another one wrapped up in blankets on the other couch...I quickly pull my jacket over my face to block any buggies from getting in, grabbed the Lysol and hand sanitizer and then I hear a "aarrhhhhhhgahggh" so I started moving quicker...hurry Kelsey HURRY before they wake!!! I hear a faint and mumbled "mmm Kelsey...? Is that you?" NOO I've awoken the undead!! "Can you get me my cup of gingerale?" Quick, run upstairs and pretend you never heard anything!!  "Kelsey????" "Please I'm dying.." SHIT. Ok. I grabbed the disease-cup and poured a bit of gingerale and brought it back into the living room to my mom, of course with my mouth covered and ran off as quickly as possible. Got to my room, realized my sister had been residing in there earlier in the day, then took the Lysol can and unleashed it onto everything in my room until I could barely breath properly because I was eating Lysol at that point. Okay, I think i'm safe.

Damon is now feeling 99% better but still not eating in fear of it coming back up, but running around like a demon child should be.  The only ones who have not been contaminated, my father, my brother Clayton (15) and myself.  Light a few candles for us.

 Dad and I went to Mexican food for dinner, we figured it would be best to stay away from the house as long as possible.  As we were eating nachos for appetizers, something dawned on him. Dad: "Okay, I will buy you dinner under one condition..." Me: "Whats that??" Dad: "NO DOUBLE DIPPING, in case one of us is actually contaminated...just to be safe."  Me: "uhh...I think I might have already double dipped...and I think you have too..." Dad: " WHAT?!?!?! WHY did you do that!?" Me: " Well, you could of declared that before we are already are half way done with the basket of nachos and salsa..."

We get home and go through the back door, because that's the safest entrance into the contamination zone. We both realize that we really have to pee.  I look at my Dad in jealously, "it's not fair that I can't pee outside like you, both bathrooms are contaminated."  I have no where to pee. I have no where to shower. I feel like I am living in a true life zombie infested world.  This is just great. Cooper jumps up and licks my face. You stupid dog, I wish I was you more than anything right now. Why don't dogs get the flu? Can we switch bodies for 48 hours?  Then I realize how terrible that could be...Cooper isn't the brightest dog on the planet...I look at Jake in question, maybe you, I'll switch with you?  Then he started to chew his ass.  Could be worse.  My Dad was finding extreme humor in the conversations I was having with my dogs and trying to convince them to switch bodies with me.

 At least i'm not a zombie.

I can't go home.

When someone in my house is terribly sick and extremely contagious, I feel like I'm living in my own zombie apocalypse nightmare. But it's real life.  

I received a call from my mother on my way home from work last night.  

Mom: "Kelsey, I need you to pick up some lysol on your way home, your brother projectile vomited".
Me: "WHERE...?"
Clayton (in the background): "YOUR BED, TELL HER HE PUKED IN HER BED".
ME: "SHUT UP I WILL KILL..."
Mom: "No, he puked on the bathroom door, the bathroom floor, the bathroom rug, the bathroom tub, the dirty laundry in the bathroom...yes there is puke EVERYWHERE - oh I have to go he's at it again. CLICK." 
Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOO, I can't go home, I just can't go home".

There is nothing more that scares me or disgusts me than the stomach flu.  It's like the plague, but WORSE. I would choose ANY other type of virus than the flu. I should feel bad for my brother who is projectile vomiting through the house and contaminating everything he looks at...But, all I can think about is me being the next victim of this shit.  I used to wish I would get sick so I could stay home from school, now it's like the end of the world getting sick.  Two things about being an "adult" that make life hell (or to say the least in this case): 1. How much it wreaks havoc on your body.  I have noticed that getting older, viruses tend to catch easier and stay longer, my immune system always seems to be fighting off some sort of something (and I realize that it only gets worse, I can't wait).  2. Missing work.  I cannot stand missing work.  I hate being out of the loop, I hate catching up on 276 emails from one day missed.  I do have a work iPhone, BUT doctors recommend shutting off your phones while being sick and resting as much as possible. It's MISERABLE missing one day. I just can't afford to get sick. 

Not to mention, I have been feeling stuffed up, my ears were hurting and I have been sneezing up a storm.  My body is in reboot, it could easily catch something.  I. Am. Paranoid. 

I have been lysol-ing and disinfecting literally everything that my brother has come in contact within the past few days, and even things he hasn't...You just never know. I carry hand sanitizer wherever I go...My Dad thinks I'm ridiculous for sanitizing my hands every 5 minutes, he thinks that once you start using that, germs will immediately adapt (like Darwinism as he explained)  and basically say "F*** YOU" and BOOM. get you sick easier.  He is also against pain medication such as Tylonel or Advil...Unless it has to do with this achey teeth.  What a hypocrite.

Something about "it coming out both ends" just doesn't sound appealing.  I would much rather die. Yes.  I try to feel bad for my brother, but all I can do, as I sort of look at him (if I look him in the eye, I'm bound to get sick) is wonder where they sell doctor masks and act like I can see his sick bugs floating in the air, as i'm covering my mouth and hands with my sweatshirt.  I just hope that everyone in my house takes as much precautionary action as I do...Otherwise I will have to find a hide-out for the rest of the week.

Maybe I'll just hide out anyway...Better safe than sorry.

Addict?

What's the definition of an addict? To cause to become physiologically or psychologically dependent on an addictive substance, as alcohol or a narcotic. That's me alright.

I would say, without coffee I would not be able to function properly. Literally, figuratively, physically, psychologically; in all aspects I just simply could not function.  As the mornings get colder, darker, and more difficult to get myself up and out of bed, I seem to be adding more amounts of coffee. I used to drink 16oz of coffee a day, which is fairly average in Seattle for hard coffee drinkers.  I have increased my quantity of consumption to 20oz in the morning, 16oz around 2pm for an 'afternoon kick', and to be brutally honest (mostly with myself) I add another 12oz around 4:30...BUT only when I absolutely need it! Mainly to ensure that I don't crash and die during the hour and a half commute I make from Bellevue to Kent. Everyday. Not to mention my hour commute in the morning to work, my commutes I make for my job which range from Seattle to Mukilteo to Federal Way to Kent and back to Bellevue...I think I have enough justification for my mad coffee addiction.  Plus, I enjoy coffee, my happiness is all that matters! 

Newbie

I'm surprisingly pleased with this photo I took a few months back.  I was just messing around with my camera (Nikon D3100) shooting my boyfriend play guitar after I got it, and ended up with this. It's not much, but I'm happy enough. I'm going to keep encouraging myself and try taking as many photos possible and bringing my camera everywhere - which has been my deficit lately. I always forget to bring my camera wherever I go.  I really enjoy the outcome of my photos (not all the time, but enough to keep at it), though I don't know much, it keeps me intrigued and constantly wanting more.

Political Anaylst

Election Results

Candidate	Popular vote	Percentage	Electoral votes (270 to win)
Barack Obama	60773770	50%	303
Mitt Romney	57879363	48%	206

"Who did you vote for?" Has been a very common question people have been asking me, my response: "I voted for opposite of whoever you voted for, just to cancel your vote out."  Isn't that a bitch?

Obama has been re-elected, and about 1/2 of my Facebook friends have announced that they are moving to Canada, and the other half are happily smoking pot while walking hand and hand with the same sex down the street (just because they can).

The half who are apparently moving to Canada (because this world must be going to major shit within the next 4 years with Obama in office), don't realize how hard it has to be to run this country.  United States of America.  Take a quick look at the history of the United States of America.  No matter who leads this country (or doesn't) nothing will be fixed within 4 years, which I applaud the nation for giving Obama another 4 years to attempt to fix the sinking (almost completely sunken) battleship.  You gotta give it to him for trying.  Not that he has really done much (beside let freeloaders own an iPhone 5 under welfare, because I worked my ass off for them to have it), but I'm curious to see what people think is going to happen. This election is massive.  Same sex couples (which I said YES for R74) may marry and live happily ever after, and 502 passed (I said NO) which people don't realize how poorly written the referendum was, or they just didn't read at all. For all you pot heads out there: if you toke it up and get behind a wheel; you will get a DUI.  They are also going to tax the shit out of it, so prepare for spikes in price (but if you are on welfare, don't worry). I also really don't want to be walking down the street in downtown Seattle and accidentally get high because people are toking it up.

Regardless of America being a sinking ship, and to all the people out there devastated that Obama has been re-elected and are in massive prayer for the country: I HIGH-LY (see what I did there?) advise you to have a beer. We only have 45 days left till the world ends anyway.
And I'll drink to that!

walking dead

This show is almost impossible not to watch.  Every Sunday night, my brothers, sister and myself (Clayton 15, Damon 12, Devyn 12) curl up around the wood stove in the living room fighting for the best possible spot in front of the television.

It's gruesome, nauseating, and disgustingly addicting.  For those of you who don't watch it--it's about a zombie apocalypse, and you follow a group of people trying to fight (literally) their ways to stay alive.  These zombies are very ugly and extremely gory (so if you get squeamish easily, you probably wouldn't last long) its creepy and realistic (sort of anyway) and almost exactly what you would imagine a zombie take-over would be.  I stayed up almost 2 days catching up on the seasons, (seasons 1-2 are on Netflix for those of you interested) and we are currently on season 3 and I cannot stop watching.  It's totally disgusting, but I absolutely love it. I now have purchased the book "The Zombie Survival Guide" which is hilarious and ridiculously accurate of how I would do things if anything of this sort were to happen. I highly suggest buying this guide because well, if you haven't got your ticket to the Bavarian mother ship, or you managed to survive the Rapture...you better prepare your sorry asses for something major come December 21st 2012 (you don't have very long and I can assure you I will survive whatever flesh eating walker infested circumstance that may come).

I know my father wouldn't last a minute if a crowd of walkers were coming at him, not after his admittance to how he completely froze as a giant shadowy figure swam by him while scuba diving in Hawaii-he declared he almost got "eaten alive" by a shark (though it really ended up being a sea turtle) so long story short, Dad survived that one. I'm not so sure he would survive if he froze while a pack of walkers were lurking towards him.  I suppose I could lend him my survival guide, but he better learn to feel the love. Otherwise he is perfect walker bait (walker=zombie).

In short, it's a fun show to kind of remind you that life isn't as horrible as some may think.  Hey, we could be living in a zombie infested world just trying to stay alive.  It's not that bad, right?

Weekend warriors

Big mean military man is actually extremely soft on the inside.  HA. Casey and his dog Buckey, taking a nap together.  If Casey see's this, I might be dead (so if I don't blog after this one, you know what happened). I couldn't help but post.

currently

Currently in Kelsey.

excited about new york. 
worried about nothing at the moment.
reading extremely loud and incredibly close.
creating my blog.
loving pumpkin spice and yellow leaves
hating  commute to work.
wondering what to do next.
craving sushi. 
listening to mumford & sons. 
watching walking dead.
netflix-ing  pretty little liars.
playing fifa 13.

My dog, Cooper.

This dog, I mean bear...is the root of my happiness and me being mental. 

 Just look at him for hecks sake. Yes, the top picture is me taking him for a walk on the beach (in a pink collar and leash solely to piss my father off) and YES he is taking a whiz while trying to look innocent.  The pink collar is now known as "the collar of shame" to my father, and when he is a bad boy. Which is most of the time. He does make me smile inside, regardless of how evil he is majority of the time. Dogs are supposed to be mans best friend, right?

Two.

Starbucks is trying to force the entire world into the Christmas spirit.  Though I have a peppermint mocha of goodness in my cup, I'm still not quite feeling the Christmas love.  We haven't even gotten to Thanksgiving yet.

Cheers to all.

Happy Halloween

I have a million things to do.  But, I'm gonna start off by this.  Writing in my blog.

Today would be Wednesday, Halloween. I will be residing at my boyfriends house most likely, handing candy out to kids.  That's what my life consists of nowadays.  Though I am entirely content with it being that way. I have grown into an adult, and it's absolutely weird to think about, the stores I shop at are stores that I hated when I was a teen..it's ironic actually.  I used to refuse to go into "The Gap" and "Old Navy" or "Banana Republic" because it was for old ladies!! Well turns out that's where you can find me, searching for oversized cardigans and sweater dresses...I never thought I would say those words in my life. HA.

Funny how things change.

Ouch.

Today has been really great so far. Just kidding, not really.

Woke up with wonderful white puss spots on the back of my throat along with a very swollen left tonsil.  I have no feelings of sickness, just a really really hurt throat and neck-well only on the left side.  I noticed my tonsil for awhile having random spots of white stuff on them but I've not felt sick at all, although I've had a hard time swallowing sometimes and felt like my throat was swollen shut (but I am being a little over dramatic).  Regardless, my throat hurts and it hurts to swallow anything, so I've been gargling with salt water every 2 hours.  I can hardly enjoy my coffee.  That pisses me off more than anything.

Here's a little bit about my job:

I am currently an account manager for a building service company, (were a janitor company to say the least) and I take care of over half a million dollars worth of accounts on a daily basis.  Checking in with my customers,  bringing them cupcakes, Starbucks, pretty much whatever makes them happy (and I've learned people REALLY like free stuff). It's pretty fun a lot of the time, I deal with a lot of different people every day and it's really helped me mold into a well rounded person.  This job makes me think all the time, creative solutions are my ally, people don't care what you do as long as shit gets done (which is where the cupcakes and Starbucks come in handy if you can't find a solution right away). Since I'm an account manager, I am also responsible for marketing as well, trying to get buildings, trying to find RFP's (request for proposal) and what not.  I had been working on a RFP for the City of Bellevue since last week, I've come into work hours early to research and finish everything necessary.  This was my first attempt at a response for an RFP, and my manager had TOTAL faith in me, she was sure I could handle it all.  I wasn't feeling any pressure until the day the response was due.  I didn't realize that I had procrastinated in actually filling out the questionnaires and the certificate of insurance's... I acted like I was incompetent almost.  I had no excuse and now i'm totally regretting it, because I could have done the proper research, I just didn't know what questions to ask and I didn't want to show my manager that I wasn't fully capable.  Which I was--I just didn't realize it until the day the response was due. In result, I rushed everything (even though I came to work an hour and a half early) and wasn't feeling 100% confident in what I had turned in.  I know I worked hard, I just didn't feel satisfied with my work.  Nonetheless, we did not get picked, not even to be one of the 3 finalists.  Our company is very well known, and we service Bellevue City Hall, so I naturally thought we had this in the bag.  Needless to say, my ego was broken.  My manager doesn't think it's my fault, but it really feels like it's on me. So, I'm fighting back my tears today.  

When things get bad, everything seems to fall apart. I'm standing in the middle of a collapsing building. But, I'm still smiling through it all.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

Fall

Fall is officially here. I'm Breathing in the cold, crisp air this morning. A bit foggy...literally and mentally. Need coffee. Trying to submerge myself in as much caffeine deliciousness as possible before I start the cleanse on November 1st.

I'm going to be detoxing my body from all forms for horrible food for 24 days. This isn't a true cleanse though, because I'm going to be doing another cleanse with Advocare starting November 1st. Where I will be taking lots of supplements and eating nothing but cardboard food. Can't wait.

to the unknown

It's been awhile.

I've been fighting my own demons, you could say. I thought that when my boyfriend returned, things would get a lot easier. Boy was I in for a rude awakening. Turns out that i'm kind of psycho. Not like, normal psycho, like full blown psycho. My life is going a million miles per second...and sometimes I don't know how to freeze and look at everything beside me.  I really need to take a breath.

So, here I am.  Writing my thoughts (it's supposed to be good for me, right?) down hoping that they will soon ease and untangle. Maybe. Hopefully. I'll just light a candle...Grandma says that's the best way to keep positive energy around me (but she could very well be crazy), what the hell...i'll give it a shot. I'm working on myself, trying to anyway...move forward in life as i'm watching my youth wither away from the sidelines.  I'm only 21.  So young.  I have a lot of dreams still.  I don't know how to reconnect with them.  I don't know how to reconnect to the world itself actually.  I can't seem to reconnect with my boyfriend (of 2 years) after he's come home from deployment, we both seem to be fighting some sort of darkness inside. I seem to be completely and utterly broken.  Except while i'm at work.  That's the one thing I can do right.  I am able to forget about everything for 8 hours (not including this moment, because well, i'm at work).  My job has consumed me. That's about the only thing that seems to be progressing forward. Unlike anything else in my life. I'm struggling with a very broken home life, being used to being very alone and very independent.  I really don't want to be alone anymore, all I want to feel is warmth wrapped around me.  That's a very odd thing for me, because of the way I was raised, and the way my family is to each other.  We are all very cold and distant from each other.  I try to establish this closeness with Casey, but I am really completely awkward when I attempt it.  We don't know how to be close with each other.  We have this undying burning passionate love for each other, but we don't know how to fight or support each other, especially because he is gone 6 months out of the year. Trying to get back everything we missed while he is deployed is really. really. HARD. What do you talk about? How have you been? What did I miss? Oh you don't like this anymore, oh you gained 10 pounds, oh this is your favorite show now...Where do we begin.

A relationship is a lot of work.  Every. single. day. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. You can't give up, you can't quit, and you are going to produce an ungodly amount of tears, (probably enough to fill the Atlantic ocean) you are going to scream and yell and worry and hurt and be confused--but you know what?  I fall asleep every night knowing that I love him regardless.  All of the fight, it's fighting for us, all of the jealousy? its because I don't want to see him with anyone else.  Don't ever fall asleep mad, and NEVER forget to say I love you--because you never know what tomorrow brings. I couldn't imagine my life without him. We have made it this far, we can make it through anything.  Go ahead and judge me, "shes too young" "she doesn't know what she wants in life" "how could she possibly know this early on"...people, when you love someone, you just know.

Despite my life going a million miles per second, i'm holding onto this hope...this faith, that I have a plan and a destiny with every little microscopic thing in my life.  Everything really does happen for a reason.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19

Nikon fun at the fair

I got a new toy last Christmas, and I've been trying to play around with different types of photos, here are some I shot at the Puyallup Fair. 

Where are you?

I know it's been awhile. I've been in my own little world...away from the world. In a dark and scary place, feeling like nobody is out there for me...I don't know if you have ever been away from a loved one for months at a time, but let me tell you...it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.  I haven't heard from him in over 2 weeks.  I usually get a e-mail once a week, this is the longest it's been without communication. Yet, I send two every day, one when I wake up, and one right before I fall asleep--because I want him to know that he's the first thing I think about when I wake and sleep.  He left late in July, and today is September 14th. I haven't seen him since July 21st. It's really hard, the hardest thing I've ever gone through...and I've gone through some pretty dark shit, but we'll save that for a later post.  Have you ever felt like there is always something missing? Like when you leave for a trip and you know you are forgetting something? Well, that's how I feel... every. single. day. In result, my emotions have been eating away at me day after day, kind of like termites eating away at a 900 year old cedar tree until the tree is no more. I have an extremely broken family life, and I don't rely much on any of them because well, that's how I was raised...to raise myself, and yeah, things changed when I met him.  It's like you all of a sudden hit an epiphany, you realize that you can fall back on someone and know that no matter what, they will always love and support you. I've never had that feeling of security before--and when he's gone... that sense of security is ripped out from underneath me. Somber, right? I mean, some days it's better than others... Although, I always go to bed missing you more than ever, wishing that I could be falling asleep next to you. I hope you know that.
So as the days go by, and it still seems to be summer here in Seattle, I await for the leaves to fall and the mornings to grow dark...And I will have a smile on my face, knowing you will return soon.

Seafair 2012

Seafair 2012

Kelsey

Day one.

I decided to create a blog for my own purpose of keeping motivated and staying on track with my life. I figured I would have something to look forward to at the end of the day, blogging about what I did. So here we go!

Wish me luck. 

Kelsey