Where are you?

I know it's been awhile. I've been in my own little world...away from the world. In a dark and scary place, feeling like nobody is out there for me...I don't know if you have ever been away from a loved one for months at a time, but let me tell you...it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.  I haven't heard from him in over 2 weeks.  I usually get a e-mail once a week, this is the longest it's been without communication. Yet, I send two every day, one when I wake up, and one right before I fall asleep--because I want him to know that he's the first thing I think about when I wake and sleep.  He left late in July, and today is September 14th. I haven't seen him since July 21st. It's really hard, the hardest thing I've ever gone through...and I've gone through some pretty dark shit, but we'll save that for a later post.  Have you ever felt like there is always something missing? Like when you leave for a trip and you know you are forgetting something? Well, that's how I feel... every. single. day. In result, my emotions have been eating away at me day after day, kind of like termites eating away at a 900 year old cedar tree until the tree is no more. I have an extremely broken family life, and I don't rely much on any of them because well, that's how I was raised...to raise myself, and yeah, things changed when I met him.  It's like you all of a sudden hit an epiphany, you realize that you can fall back on someone and know that no matter what, they will always love and support you. I've never had that feeling of security before--and when he's gone... that sense of security is ripped out from underneath me. Somber, right? I mean, some days it's better than others... Although, I always go to bed missing you more than ever, wishing that I could be falling asleep next to you. I hope you know that.
So as the days go by, and it still seems to be summer here in Seattle, I await for the leaves to fall and the mornings to grow dark...And I will have a smile on my face, knowing you will return soon.